So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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