Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
