i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
