so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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