are you still at the devil's house?
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
