Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
