Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My balls are so social today.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
