24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
