it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
