Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
