Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Randomize
