it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
