I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
