R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
