it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
