She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
