The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
