You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
