You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You're like the curious george of whores
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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