I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
