I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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