she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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