bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
