Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
