I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
