we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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