she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
