Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
