Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
