Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
