You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
