turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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