he puts the penis in happiness.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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