Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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