So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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