...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
