I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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