If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
