bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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