watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
