We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
