She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
