I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
