I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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