i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
