I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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