i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
