you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I woke up under a house in Key West
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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