She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
