It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize