I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
