Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(763): View more from Minnesota

there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it

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(864): View more from South Carolina

U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"

Fav 14 5574 1371
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(702): View more from Nevada

Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win

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(816): View more from Missouri

This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.

Fav 5 2005 1028
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(646): View more from New York

If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?

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(360): View more from Washington

I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.

Fav 2 87 27
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(+61): View more from Australia

on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?

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