What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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