Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
wow bdsm is so cute
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
